Although at times real, lasting transformation may seem like an impossible task, I'm reminded of the power of belief, discipline and persistence in building character and leadership while revisiting Benjamin Franklin, a dipomat and one of the founding fathers of the United States. He began working on a system for self-improvement when he was only 20 years old.
In his autobiography he outlines the program he designed to cultivate his personal virtues. To do so, he made a list of 13 values he found desirable. Then, he added them to a table with a column for each day of the week. He tracked his progress daily, marking his performance with a mark or a cross when he didn't follow through. The goal was to have an empty table without any marking.
| Benjamin Franklin's 13 Virtues |
| :- |
| 1. Temperance: Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation. |
| 2. Silence: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation. |
| 3. Order: Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time. |
| 4. Resolution: Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve. |
| 5. Frugality: Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; waste nothing. |
| 6. Industry: Lose no time; be always employed in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions. |
| 7. Sincerity: Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and if you speak, speak accordingly. |
| 8. Justice: Wrong none by doing injuries or omitting the benefits that are your duty. |
| 9. Moderation: Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve. |
| 10. Cleanliness: Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation. |
| 11. Tranquility: Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable. |
| 12. Chastity: Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation. |
| 13. Humility: Imitate Jesus and Socrates. |
Here's what my own version looks like today:
<img src="https://user-images.githubusercontent.com/6923650/227373891-387684c0-413f-4d5b-b23f-3833577475dc.png" alt="">
What are the values and traits you would like to cultivate? Do you have a system in place to help you make progress?

The Benjamin Franklin Method for Self-Improvement

Even though I'm the first to advocate the idea of <a href="https://moonwith.com/posts/train">showing up every day</a>, I don't believe doing so is a sufficient condition for achieving mastery. Programming every day won't make you a <a href="http://www.paulgraham.com/gba.html#:~:text=To%20programmers%2C%20%22hacker%22%20connotes,something%20in%20an%20ugly%20way">hacker</a>. Playing chess every day won't make you a grandmaster.
When we start learning a new skill, every day can be a challenge. But after a while, we start getting comfortable. We start enjoying it. We get good enough to be able to play the game without having to put deliberate effort. And the better we get, the less we gain out of just showing up.
The trick to getting better at any skill is to actively seek pain. To break a skill down into microskills and to target, measure and push one of them at a time. Like we do when we work out at the gym.
<h3>To reflect</h3>
If you had to break down a skill you're trying to learn into 5 smaller skills, what would they be? How would your learning approach change? How would you go about measuring your progress in each one of them?

Programming every day won't make you a better programmer

Sometimes building a solution in the right way is not enough. We also need to consider if we’re building the right one. This is a mistake I see brilliant teams making every day. They might be aware of their customer needs, know to test and iterate frequently and know to prioritise making data informed decisions. They might build outstanding user experiences and yet, fail to deliver the most impactful solution.
<img src="https://i.imgur.com/ML0tcYz.jpg" alt="This is an image">
When we decide to climb a hill without considering the neighbours, we risk spending time and energy building and iterating on low altitude. That’s the problem of the local maxima: When the peak of the hill we choose is way lower than the global maximum. — The impact of our solution is as great as the height of the hill.
<h3>How to avoid this mistake?</h3>
<ol>
<li>Write down what is the main outcome you’re trying to achieve before thinking about ideas for any given challenge.</li>
<li>Make coming up with at least 3 different ideas a requirement for how your team operates. These shouldn’t be iterations but divergent.</li>
<li>Don’t commit to one direction right away. Think about how to measure the outcome of a given improvement without actually implementing it. Build many prototypes that enable your team to test and compare their merit.</li>
<li>Group the ideas and the learnings derived from testing them in one place so it’s easier to compare and talk about them before proceeding.</li>
</ol>

The problem of the local maxima

The reason I call myself Product Enabler instead of Product Manager is because the latter fails to capture the essence of the job.
Some misconceptions about the role of product managers is that their job is to manage people. Or to manage projects. Although both can be part of the job description, product management is essentially about decision making and an ability to collect and connect multiple insights to build something people want.
Bad product management is applying tools and methods for the sake of them. Product enablement is about leading with empathy. Seeking understanding and empowering everyone around us to do their best work by providing them context, listening and being of service.
Job titles matter because they inform our behaviour. And what other people expect of us. It might be time to move on from product management towards product enablement.

Towards Product Enablement

When we try to come across as smart, we rob ourselves of an opportunity to understand the world in a deeper way.
Trading learning and real, personal connection for a brief moment of satisfaction is the opposite of smart. It's shortsighted.
Listening and understanding requires more energy than talking. It requires intellectual curiosity. It's what wise people do.

Don't try to be smart

When we decide to pursue an important goal, everything else we say yes to adds up. Like tiny drops of water that are poured into a bucket. When the bucket is empty, we can run. As it fills, it becomes heavier. — A bucket that took no conscious effort to carry around, suddenly becomes something we have to actively manage. It becomes a distraction. When it’s full, we can barely walk. We make progress slowly. We spend almost as much energy trying to keep the water in as we do trying to reach the finish line.
Saying no is hard. It takes courage. It takes discipline. Sometimes, it takes everything we have. But that might be worth it when that’s all we have to do in order to start running again.

Learn to say no

Throughout life, some people will be kind enough to provide us with negative feedback on matters that are sensitive to us.
At times, it will feel unfair or unjustified. Either because of the way the feedback was given. Or because it relates to our sense of identity. But we can learn to see feedback as an opportunity for growth and reflection.
a) Take negative feedback as a warm hug. A gift you can use to grow.
b) Next time someone gives you feedback, resist the urge to defend yourself. Listen attentively. Thank the other person for giving you their time and mental space.

Take feedback as a gift

We can change the thoughts that naturally come to our mind by deciding to take charge of the things we focus on.
When we ask ourselves the same question every single day, we train our minds to focus on that.
Where are you putting your attention? What do you ask yourself every night before going to bed?

Control your frame

We can choose to be surrounded by people who inspire us. People who bring out the best in us. People who make us better every day, just because of their presence.
If there's someone out there who is like the kind of person we want to be, we can choose to engage them. Captivate them.
The people we spend time with are our future. — The things we eat. The thoughts we have. The beliefs we develop. The goals we define. Everything's shaped in a way or another by their presence.
Who are you choosing?

A choice

The knowledge, tools and frameworks we learn about in the classroom or in our industry were created by people like us.
Just because something is presented as the default way of doing things, it doesn't mean it is the best approach. Or correct.
Are we accepting what someone else teaches us because they hold some authority or because it's the easy thing to do?
People who care about progress, care enough to take a step back and reassess the current state of affairs. — The mindset is not the one of a contrarian. Or of someone who thinks they're wiser than everyone else who came before them. It's about courage, kindness and integrity with ourselves, our peers and the world at large.
Do we ask ourselves enough times:
<ul>
<li>Does this make sense?</li>
<li>What are we actually trying to achieve with this method or tool? Are we using it blindly or in an intentional way?</li>
<li>Could there be a better way?</li>
<li>What would we improve or do differently?</li>
</ul>
Thank you David Heinemeier Hansson and Jason Fried for shaping the way I see the world through your actions. You inspire me every day.

Cultivate a critical mindset

Most people you interact with will show you some kind of support if given the opportunity. And although support is nice, you need to learn how to create a filter. Words are nice but they're easy. Most people say nice things because they want us to like them or because that's their default.
Accepting criticism and a certain kind of inquisitiveness can be hard. It can feel like a personal attack or lack of belief in our capabilities. And it hurts when it comes from the people we love the most. But that's often what we need to grow.
Build the habit of reflecting on why people say what they say. What are they trying to achieve?
a) Hold on to people who give you a hard time. It often means they care so much that they are willing to make you deslike them a little.
--
I'm so grateful to have family and friends that challange me. Thank you dearest Sarah, Dad, Paty, Amin and Joni for caring. I cheerish you and I hope I can provide you healthy discomfort throughout our lives.

Pats in the back

People who thrive are people who grow in an extraordinary way. They are arguably different than they were one year ago when it comes to the skills they have and the way in which they operate.
It's hard to spot them because you have to know someone and their work well enough to be able to tell the difference.
I think a key distinction resides in the mindset. People who are afraid of embarrassment don’t thrive. So don't be someone who's afraid of embarassment. Understand that every mishap is an opportunity to learn.

Growing vs Thriving

Years of peer pressure, along with the expectations and shortcomings of our caretakers may have caused us to color inside the lines one too many times. Along the way, we may have forgotten how to fully express ourselves. Like a muscle that gradually wastes away when we don’t use it.
When we are bold, when we express ourselves without fear, we issue other people an invitation to do the same. We create new rules. We start a transformation. And that’s how culture changes.
<img src="https://i.imgur.com/6xYLhuB.png" alt="This is a picture of myself">

Authenti-city

Failing to understand sunk costs can make starting new projects feel like a risk or a distraction. The problem is not starting them. But rather not knowing when to kill them.
The reason I start so many things is because I'm focused on learning. When we're able to butcher projects fast enough, we can harm our reputation on the short-term. But optimising for the long-term payoff is what matters.

On starting new projects

How can we connect when we're more concerned with looking good and honing a fake persona than we are with being authentic and generous?
Doing a bad job doesn't make us worse people. And admitting our shortcomings doesn't make us less worthy. It's the generous thing to do. It invites growth. Furthers connection.

The stories we don't tell

For most of our lives, we have been conditioned to think primarily through the lenses of language. At a tender age, many of us put together and learned to feed an inner voice or internal dialogue. With time, we may have lost touch with other parts of our nature.
Words can do so much for us. But our ability to reason goes way beyond what we can verbalise. The heart. The gut feeling. — We know more about what is important or about what is right than we let ourselves believe. But sometimes it is hard to listen. It is easier to mute a beautiful, inherent part of our experience of the world than to trust something no one ever taught us how to deal when we were kids: How to use our intuition?
One way we can cultivate our intuition is by journaling. Or by asking ourselves every other Sunday: "What do I need right now?", "What's important for me?"

The heart

The mistakes we made and deeds we accomplished yesterday are like blinkers. They prevent us from seeing sideways. They mute our experience of life and keep us from reaching a deeper understanding of the world.
There are radiant, ecstatic, powerful version of ourselves lying somewhere. Untapped potential we may only harness when we learn to let go of the person, places and things that provide our sense of comfort and identity today.
a. Build the habit of asking yourself: What if I’m wrong? What if what I believe in and the values I grew up with or currently hold are flawed?
b. Seek dissonance. Welcome people and engage with thoughts and ideas that go against what you believe in.
c. Search for ways of fully engaging with cultures that are different from the ones you know. Travel alone for long periods of time. Move to another continent.
<hr>
This essay is part of my Principles series. Writings I plan to update and refine throughout the years and pass on to my kids. The edit history is publicly available <a href="https://github.com/malikpiara/moon/blame/main/pages/metamorphosis.md">here</a>.

Metamorphosis

Social circles can be a source of comfort, support, fulfilment and growth. As someone who builds communities, I’m aware of the compounding advantages that come with being part of an additional circle. We have more people to learn with. More access to opportunities. A richer perspective of the world. And more protection when things go wrong. Having that in mind, accessing new circles and maintaining strong connections over long periods of time is hard. Most of us are part of less than 4 social circles. And our ability to influence them is often limited: It's easier to find a new employer, university or religion than it is to try and change the culture that defines them. But that’s not the case with family.
Families are institutions. They have a culture. Although we don't pick them when we're born, we have a higher degree of agency over them. The key insight about families is that they are not cohesive by default but they are malleable. We can shape them with time and patience.
Regardless of how we might feel about our extended family, they’ll always be part of our life. Friends, colleagues, teachers, mentors come and go. But family stays. It makes sense to invest time and energy building close bonds and cultivating a wiser, wealthier and emotional intelligent environment. We're investing in our future happiness. And we help generate a virtuous cycle that may make everyone better off in the long run.
Looking at the future, I can only hope that my kids grow up with a high sense of belonging and self-esteem that often comes with being part of nurturing social circles early on. And I know that in order to achieve that, I have to start doing the work today.

Invest in your family

There will be times when you feel like a path forward is nowhere to be found. But sometimes, a path is not there because you are not supposed to be on that road yet.
Are you worried about a new chapter because you are afraid to start anew? Or are you using that time and energy as an excuse to delay wrapping up the one you are currently writing?

Chapters

The first time I joined a meetup was in 2014. I remember spending an entire afternoon agonising over whether I should join the event. — I was young, unexperienced, didn’t know anyone and had an odd yet natural preoccupation with how a group of strangers would perceive me. — I showed up dressed in the most formal and uncomfortable attire I could find. Back then I still thought appearances mattered more than actions. People who are great at what they do, don’t need to signal they are smart or competent by wearing preppy clothes or throwing around their titles.
That’s when I met David Dias. David is currently working on improving the internet with distributed systems at Protocol Labs (YC S14). Meeting him was a pivotal moment in my life as he taught me the value of action, ownership and pragmatism over fancy words, titles and good intentions.
Every time I came to him with my reluctance to join an event, start a new project or speak with someone he would tell me “one is greater than zero”. What he was trying to say is that we gain considerably more by doing something than by not doing it, provided there is no better alternative in our agenda. This holds especially true for high school and college students who are just getting started. Back then my other options were staying home pretending to study for an exam I did not really care about or playing a video game.
I carried on with David’s words on my mind. Going to events, inviting people I admire for coffee, emailing conference organisers to let me in for free provided I helped as a volunteer. This path eventually led me to build Upframe and the Startup Playground, a place where young makers could go to learn more about how to build products and start companies with mentors like David.
Upframe brought me a moderate amount of attention and looking back, I know it was mainly luck, not merit or knowledge that got me there in the first place. What took some time and introspection to realize was that I inadvertently created part of that luck. By putting myself in situations that increased my chances of attaining good outcomes.
Picture two cardboard boxes. One contains a single marble. The other has a handful of them. If we were to shake both boxes, the latter would naturally produce more collisions. — In the real world, collisions generate opportunities. — Some of them can produce dramatic results like the ones that led me to accidentally start a company or move to Berlin.
Entropy attracts opportunity. Alone in a room vs Part of a community.
Spending most of our days entangled in a work-home routine is akin to the first cardboard box. We have more to gain when we put ourselves out there. When we decide to leave our comfort zone.
Looking at the future we cannot tell when life changing events will take place. A couple of years ago, I would not believe anyone if they told me I would be living in Berlin. Having that in mind, we can put ourselves in situations that enable serendipity to take place. Join communities. Read books. Let people know what you’re working on. Talk to strangers. Go to parties where you don't know most people. Send a letter to someone you admire. Install a dating app. Move to a city that has more things going on. Create your own luck.
| Ways to create your own luck |
| :- |
| Join a meetup group in your city |
| Install a dating app |
| Host a dinner where every guest has to bring a plus one |
| Go to a hackathon. With friends. Or alone |
| Share your ideas publicly. On social media. With your friends |
| Ask for help in public. Share your challanges |
| Email or tweet someone you admire |
| Go to dinner parties. From friends. From acquiantances |
| Grab a coffee with someone new every week |
| Join a community |
| Create your own community |
| Take classes unrelated with your major |
| Walk into a random college class and sit in |
| Work or study from different places. Cafés. Coworking places. Public libraries |
| Create and maintain a Twitter account |
| Keep your direct/private messages open on social media |
| Add a location to your Instagram posts |
| Take public transports |
| Use stickers on your laptop |
| Take the most crowded path to work |
| Move to a city that has more things going on in your industry |

Create your own luck

We may not get picked today, tomorrow or the day after. In fact, the phone might never ring. But we don't have to wait around. We can decide that we will pick ourselves. Regardless of whether someone out there is listening. — We can choose to do the work, to write a new essay, paint a new canvas, build a new product.
Because I don’t want to wait around to get picked, I decided I’m writing every day and building or improving a new product every week. As a result of that decision, I started one day hackathons taking place every second Sunday at my place. I call them Hackasundays. The goal is to focus on the process and become someone who constantly shows up regardless of what the outcome or reaction is.
On the first Hackasunday, we worked on cards with questions for more meaningful conversations. You can use them as a way to get to know yourself better. Or to cultivate friendships.
Because many people were interested in getting them, I decided it would make sense to release the app for both Android and iOS. If you'd like to give it a try, <a href="https://upfra.me/earnest">click here to download the alpha</a>) or drop me a message.
<a href="https://upfra.me/earnest"><img src="https://cdn.substack.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe792336c-27de-49db-bc4d-83d6d4a5a209_1656x968.png" alt="alt"></a>
Earnest Cards. Also on Instagram with new questions every week at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/earnestcards/">@earnestcards</a>.

Earnest. Cards for more meaningful conversations.

There's something irresistibly charming about smaller cities. They bring us closer together. They provide a sense of community. Intimacy. They bring forward our caretaker traits.
As remote work becomes the norm, smaller cities will slowly supersede large metropolises. Unlike big cities, small places don't have to compromise. They can appeal to a narrow tribe of people connected by the same values or passions.
In the future, the most driven and like-minded people won't have to live in big urban areas anymore. Knowledge will no longer be centralised around large cities. In order to come across the most interesting, thought provoking and creative people, we might have to go to small towns.

Small cities are the future

Heartbreak is inevitable. Anyone capable of love goes through one at some point in their life. We cannot avoid wounds and bruises but we might be able to reframe them.
The story we tell ourselves as we're sulking and going through the motions matters. We can see our distress as an opportunity for a deeper level of self-knowledge. Use the time to rediscover old passions. Cultivate friendships. Gain perspective.
We might not be able to control every aspect of a relationship. Or how a certain person might feel about us. But we're able to shape our mindset.
A positive mindset. A mindset of self-compassion will give us the insight we need to keep moving.

Heartbreak

The giants we learn about in school. The ones whose shoulders we stand on, were once small. Smaller, less experienced than us. They worried, many times, about crashing. Or about making fools out of themselves. They worried about dying alone.
It can be comforting to know we are all lost. Swirling around this blue planet, somehow, never feeling like we're good enough. Thankfully, it's not about whether we're good enough or not. — It's about who we want to be. Where we want to go. What we want to achieve. And we don't have to listen to the inner voice telling us we're not good enough. Because in the end, that doesn't matter. No one ever became president or broke a global record by accident.
What matters is the goal, the trajectory, our willingness to show up and do the work. The giants we celebrate today probably knew that no one can score without a goal. They took their time to define where they wanted to go. And they kept going. They were bold enough to keep showing up. And they kept growing. — We are perfectly capable of doing the same.
We're capable of daring to go where no one else went before us. Because we're capable of showing up. If we fail, we can get up and try again. And we can keep trying. And we can keep showing up. Until we become the person we ultimately know we can be.

Giants

At times, we might feel a certain inability to move on from someone for whom we have deep feelings for. Someone who won't like us back despite our valiant efforts and good charms.
We tell ourselves stories about how they're everything we are looking for. We imagine what it would be like if they saw us in a different light. What would it be like to kiss them? To date them?
There's not much we can do about someone else's feelings. And moving on is often the only sensible option.
We can remind ourselves that the appealing aspects that make us fall head over heels for someone are not exclusive. — We might be able to find them elsewhere if we take our time to dissect and identify the tiny things that make us like someone in the first place.

Unrequited love

Every now and then, we find tiny little monsters lurking around the corner. Mental setbacks, fear, a lingering feeling of anxiety we can't seem to fully comprehend.
These tiny little monsters always seem to find their way back to us. And our natural instinct can often get us to hide or run away. But that won't make the monsters go away.
One way of dealing with them might be to see the monsters as little holes that were carved on a young tree. The holes never go away. But after some time, they are too small to make the mighty tree.
Past experiences shape us. Scar us. But they don't have to define us.

Tiny little monsters

Even though it might be tempting at times to run away from our problems, doing so won't make them go away.
The nature of most problems is akin to the cartoonist cliche of the snowball rolling over the hill. When left unattended, problems grow. And they grow to create more problems. A small flame left unchecked often leads to multiple firestorms.
Avoiding tough conversations with the people we care about won't make the underlying, interpersonal problems disappear. Resentment tends to build up. And people who were once close to us eventually fade away from our life.
Pretending a debt doesn't exist might provide us with temporary relief. But one bill left to pay can be relatively easy to tackle when compared to eight bills plus penalty fees, a debt collection and a damaged credit score.
To take care of ourselves and the people we love, we must cultivate courage to face our problems head on. To make addressing them directly and early on our priority. Before we run out of options.

Address problems early on, before they become too big

The main difference between being an amateur or a professional has nothing to do with talent. Professionals show up every day. Amateurs come up with excuses or don't make showing up a priority.

Amateurs vs Professionals

At some point in life, we may find ourselves fighting for a place few people ever seem to get to. A job at a remarkable place. A deal with a record label. Or a signing with a publishing house.
The prospects of getting picked may seem hardly graspable. At times, we may ponder if we're good enough. Or if the phone will ever ring. After all, we're competing with millions of people. Some with degrees from top tier universities, a better resume, more experience. More connections. More unfair advantages.
We may not get picked today, tomorrow or the day after. In fact, the phone might never ring. But we don't have to wait around. — We can pick ourselves. We can write a new blog post. Paint a new canvas. Make a new song. Build a new product. We can choose to show up and put in the work every single day.
We can decide that we will pick ourselves. Regardless of whether someone out there is listening.

This train cannot be stopped

Sometimes we're headed towards a dead end. And we keep on driving.
Some part of us knows we'll be in trouble soon and yet we hit the accelerator. And we come up with a thousand stories: There might be more to it than what meets the eye. We might get what we need it if we just keep on going. We might be able to break the wall if we're clever about how we go about it.
Trying to break a wall that doesn't want to be broken might just end up breaking us. — And to think there are other roads out there. Roads that might be worth waiting for. Roads that might get excited to have us riding them.

Roads worth waiting for

To which degree are we letting our fears and insecurities control how we perceive reality and the world around us?
Are we letting particular negative experiences dictate how we experience group interactions? Or public speaking opportunities?
Are we being held back by the fact that someone made us feel bad and inadequate for standing out and being different while growing up?
Most people we pass through don't care enough about us to give us much thought. Or to form an opinion. They might still carry their convictions and their world view. But like us, they are usually more concerned with how others might be perceiving them.
It might be time to stop holding back. To care less about how others perceive us. To express ourselves fully without feeling bad about standing out. At best, we'll thrive. At worst, we'll survive.

We'll survive

Sometimes we hold on to friendships that are no longer working. We hold on to that friend who was there for our sweet sixteen. We hold on to the group we formed in college, when we were still figuring out what we wanted. We hold on to people who have been in our lives for as long as we can remember. Even when the only things connecting us are our memory and a sense of obligation.
Relationships change because we change. What we want today might be completely different from what we wanted yesterday. And because we have separate goals, we take different paths. Acquire distinct values.
We must come to terms with fact that letting people go might be a necessary part of growing up. Spending time with old friends might not be fun anymore. It might end up draining us more than it energise us. And that's okay.
Having the courage to let go of relationships that don't sustain us might be exactly what we need to create space for more meaningful connection.

Letting friendships go

Building up a new skill or working towards a new goal can be frustrating. Especially when we're just getting started. Our output is often below the level we're acquainted with. And feeling our work is below average can be frightening.
A proven way to get better is to show up consistently. To put in the work on sunny days and rainy days. To show up, even when we feel we're not good enough.
Because it doesn't matter how good we are. What matters is the trajectory. — How good we aim to become. And how much we're willing to improve by deliberately deciding to show up.
With every little step we grow bolder. We grow our confidence. And, slowly, without realising, we can reach a level that might end up surprising us.

Showing up

The idea that someone should have to meet requirements like a certain age or height. Or belong to a certain circle to become a suitable partner might not be serving us.
We might be hurting our chances at finding deep connection because we haven't given enough thought to what might, in fact, make us happy.
The connection and intimacy we long for might be out there for us to grab if we decide to open ourselves to other worlds. If we decide to widen our criteria. If we decide that other people's perception of us can't be more important than our own.

Requirements

Sometimes we are afraid of giving ourselves to others. Lessons learned from the past. Perhaps, from a time when a friend or loved one behaved in a way that betrayed our values or expectations. Perhaps, when we were kids. People often fail to meet those expectations. They are self-absorbed, unaware. We're guilty too. I imagine it to be part of our animalistic nature.
We'll never be able to predict how the people we care about will react to our love and affection. But our scars can't, nor should make us run away forever from moments of intimacy and vulnerability. We can choose to see the best in people. By accepting, realising people are intrinsically flawed. And will disappoint us sooner rather than later. We will too. We can, nonetheless, persist on being kind and on opening ourselves to others, even when we're afraid. Especially when we are afraid.
Our heart may crumble if things go sour but even if they do we will eventually get up. Like we have always did in the past. Take a chance on people. Take a chance on loving others.

Take a chance

Sometimes we take on new projects and say 'yes' to opportunities to later realise we should have said 'no'. This happens frequently when we're young. We don't often have a clear sense of purpose or direction. And there is always something new.
The thing about what we call opportunities is that they are only opportunities in light of what we're trying to achieve. When they are not aligned with our goals, they become distractions.
Without a purpose, we don't know how to distinguish distractions from opportunities. We don't know when to say 'yes' and when to say 'no' when opportunities come knocking on our door. We live on autopilot, floating towards different directions as time goes by.
We might one day realise, we're no closer to achieving what we really want in life than we were 10 years ago. We might, inadvertently, end up in places where we're doing something we don't want to be doing. Choose the wrong city to live in. Pick the wrong partner. Pursue the wrong career. Because of this, we might never live up to our greatest potential.
It doesn't have to be this way. Every decision we make about how we spend our time counts. Every day, we have a chance to make little choices that can steer our life towards a better future. We can have more control of what lies ahead if today, we're brave enough to make a decision about what's important for us. — And about what is not.
Reflections:
What is one thing you really want to get out of life?
Can you think about opportunities you pursued recently that get you no closer to achieving it?
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Thank you <a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/nina-zavrieva-ab76625/">Nina</a>, for encouraging me to reflect and take a deeper look into how to make my life goals more concrete and tangible, so I can have a better chance of achieving them.

Opportunities vs distractions

The goal of communication is to convey information. To create an understanding. Yet, we often choose to use words that create obstacles for those we’re trying to reach.
As we gain familiarity within the domain in which we operate, we start adopting acronyms, initialisms and abbreviations used by people in our circle. But using them, ends up excluding everyone else who’s not in on the convention. It damages understanding. It creates obstacles.
a. Whenever you’re working with other people, make mutual understanding a priority above all else. Avoid using acronyms, initialisms, abbreviations.

Don't use acronyms

As we go through life, we find ourselves in different places. Different chapters. This often implies loosening our connection with friends we used to spend a lot of time with. Weeks, months and years go by. Work gets in the way. We get busy and without meaning to, relationships slowly fade away.
We might tell ourselves a different story. Like how strong friendships last forever. However, strong friendships have to be earned. Like everything else. If we really care about our friendships, we have to work for them.
One thing we can do is to schedule time to be with the people we care about. Although it might sound weird at first, booking time in advance ensures we actually spend quality time with the people who are important. No matter how much work we have in our hands.
I recently approached a couple of friends and we agreed to have a video call every 5 weeks. We’re in touch more often but, by setting time aside, we make sure we are present and there for each other. Even when we’re miles apart.

Make time

Whether Donald Trump’s Facebook ban and subsequent bans by Twitter, Reddit, Twitch, Shopify, and Snapchat were the right decision, they certainly opened a precedent that puts a free and open internet at risk. Following the crisis at the Capitol, Parler, an app used by far-right extremists was suspended by both Google and Apple’s app stores and Amazon even stopped providing Parler with their cloud services.
This reminds me we don’t own the platforms where we spend so much of our time sharing content and building an audience. We don’t control what happens to them. They can go away over night and our leverage along with it. — That’s what happened with Vine. And what could happen with TikTok or Snapchat.
And the widely publicised ban on the President of the United States sheds light on what many makers go through every day. Apps are taken away, channels are demonetised. Sometimes legitimately, other times by mistakes caused by algorithms.
If you are a maker. If you produce and distribute any kind of content online, the lesson is clear. Have direct access to your audience. Own your platform [1]. — And that is why I’m building my own [2].
[1] - Newsletters are the easiest way to keep our audience. Unlike most platforms where our content lives, they give you data ownership. And email is a standard that won’t be going away anytime soon.
[2] - This blog is powered by Moon. A trivial app built on Flask that acts as a static site generator. There are literally hundreds of tools and frameworks, and a million static site generators out there. The reason I’m building my own is because I want to learn and I think this experience might make me better as a product manager. I’m particularly excited because Moon can be expanded as I acquire more experience and knowledge. To eventually become a fully fledged blogging platform or content management system like Wordpress or Blogspot (naturally, way less sophisticated).

Owning your platform

Integrity is doing what we say we will do. Even when it hurts us. Especially when it hurts us. This requires a sharp and tuned degree of consistency and self-awareness that takes time to grow.
a. Do not make commitments you know you can’t uphold. When we fail to deliver on a promise, we cause other people to have a worse impression of us. Because we use our past actions as information about who we are, failing to deliver on what we set out to do, often damages our own sense of worth. This is also true for when we set personal goals or intentions we fail to work towards. Every tiny action matters.
b. Avoid relying on people who didn’t follow through in the past. We’re not always able to pick who we work with. Having that in mind, we can choose the people we rely on. These are the people we make an active decision to build personal and professional projects with. Because the stakes are higher, we should be especially cautious and not let our hope and dreams blind us. By picking a partner we know to lack integrity, we are corrupting our own sense of virtue and there will always be a price to pay later on.
Better to disappoint early on and to be less ambitious about what we can do than to break our reputation and self-esteem. We deserve to go to bed every night knowing we can trust ourselves. Knowing we can be relied on.

Follow through

It’s easy to forget that every single person you interact with, is going through something you are not aware of. Learn to be compassionate and always remember to be kind. To you and to others.

Be kind

Even though we are all different on paper, in reality, most of us act in conformity. — We wear the same shoes, build websites that look the same and have opinions that are not worth to bat an eyelash for.
As Humans, we are great at identifying patterns. We are also often drawn to what is the most familiar without realising.
The problem with familiar, is that familiar, is also boring. Noteworthy subjects stand out because they do something dissonant. Something worth talking about. Something worth spreading. Noteworthy people move the needle.
Because we are all different at the core, we all have an innate ability to produce noteworthy products and ideas. Learning to amplify what makes us unique, can be a way to do so.
Can you stop to think about key traits that define you?
What do people say about you when you’re not in the room?
What are some things that excite you, that normally make most people fall asleep?
Be bold and you might just be rewarded.

Becoming noteworthy

Next time you feel like giving up, realise that, this might be a good indication that you are out of your comfort zone. Do not let that stop you from moving.
Fight or flight mechanisms are a necessary part of growth. Acknowledging that you are overwhelmed. Acknowledging that you want to run or hide, is already half the battle.
Take a deep breath and call someone who can listen. You’ll be stronger tomorrow.

On feeling like giving up

Positivity is the tragedy of the 21st century. Despite what the popular opinion may be, I have found that, adopting it as frame of mind, can often promote short-sightedness and wishful-thinking. When life doesn’t go as planned, we suffer unproportionally. — This is especially true when the stakes are high. A pessimistic approach towards global warming is often also the most realistic.
Unlike optimism, a pessimist outlook provides us with information we can use to grow. This makes it more useful to have as a frame of mind. Having an awareness about what might go wrong, can make you better equipped to deal with whatever life might throw at you.
a. Imagine the worst case scenario. This will enable you to see situations from a higher level and help you plan for a future you cannot control.
By contemplating bad outcomes, you can come up with plans to prevent or deal with them. Imagining a work presentation going wrong, will get you to put more effort into making sure it doesn’t. Anticipating a crisis, will keep you on your toes and make you more long-term oriented.
b. Do not spend time or energy with things you cannot control. Pessimism can be useful when it enables you to plan ahead and take action. We cannot control what happens to us, but we can control how we choose to deal with what happens. That’s what I’m advocating.
c. Realise that, whatever you may have today can be taken away tomorrow. Let this be a reminder that keeps you humble and grateful.

On pessimism

Many people celebrate the work of Pablo Picasso, but often overlook the process that contributed to make him the genius we all know and appreciate today.
At the age of 16, Picasso was living in Madrid. He spent long periods of time at the Prado museum, admiring and copying the works of great artists that came before him, like Goya and Velásquez. His story is akin to the ones told about Beethoven and Benjamin Franklin. The latter transcribed passages of his favourite writers and often tried to emulate their style, in order to improve his own.
The process of copying and reflecting on the work and process of people with more experience than you, enables you to get acquainted with patterns you wouldn't have. And at a faster pace.
Whenever you want to learn a new skill or improve on existing ones, realise that there is, or has been someone out there with more experience than you. With whom you can learn from. There is no shame in copying the work of others when your goal is to learn.
a. Do not try to be original. Originality comes from experience and materializes naturally when you have enough building blocks.
My past experience shows me that jumping and attempting to create something of your own before having the tools to do so, often equates with a lack of self-knowledge. In order to chop down a tree, you must first sharpen the axe.
With enough experience and vocabulary, you can go on to create your own work and improve on the work of others.
In a nutshell:
<ol>
<li>Find a piece of work you want to emulate.</li>
<li>Try to copy the piece in the best fashion you deem possible.</li>
<li>While doing so, close your eyes and try to visualize each step of the process.</li>
</ol>

Copy the work of others

It’s easy to overlook the present, when we are too focused on anticipating what’s coming. On chasing goals. Painting dreams.
It can be important to stop and realise that, what we use to define “these days”, will soon define “the good old days”. — The place we live in. Our circle of friends. What we look forward to, when we wake up. Or when we go to bed. Everything must change, because that’s what time is made of. Change.
Looking back, we become enamoured with the “good old days”. But they won’t happen again. And neither will today.
What are you grateful for today? And how would you go about showing someone that you care for them?

Moonwith